Berries
by MovieBuffStarlet
Summary: Brittany has a mystery to solve that involves Rachel. Crackfic.


"I, for one, think that "Seasons of Love" from the musical RENT would showcase our teamwork perfectly…with me singing the high C at the end, of course." Rachel flashed her mega-watt smile, twisting around in her chair to face Kurt and Mercedes, who sat together in the row just behind hers.

"That's a great idea, Rachel." Mercedes nodded, impressed. "But we all know that the high note during the song is perfect for _my_ voice. I am the only one who can do it justice. Remember when we did 'Jump'?"

"Ladies, ladies…let's not have another diva off!" Kurt joked. Then, something caught his eye. He was distracted from Rachel and Mercedes' bantering by the rather peculiar behavior of Brittany. The girl always acted a little strangely, this is true. But he felt she was being extra odd when she abandoned her usual seat next to Santana on the bottom row of the risers, making the Latina girl stare after her in wonder. The blonde cheerleader trotted her way up the risers until she got to the row Rachel was sitting in. She then sat on the very edge of that row, looking at an oblivious Rachel through the corner of her eye.

"_Kurt_!" Mercedes nudged him, her voice breaking into his thoughts.

"I'm sorry…what were you saying?" Kurt blinked at the two girls as they stared at him, coming back to the conversation.

"I asked you who you would pick to do the "Seasons of Love" solo if you were the director of this choir…me or Rachel?"

"Oh, gosh…" Kurt shrugged. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Brittany sneakily move down the row until she was sitting in the seat next to Rachel. She was staring at Rachel in the most _intense_ way…but he tried not to think about it. "Don't make me choose. You are _both_ amazing!"

"I think that Kurt should get the solo." Blaine broke into the conversation, gently gripping Kurt's knee. There was the slightest hint of a filthy gleam hidden underneath his dapper smile. "He can sing pretty high when he wants to."

Kurt giggled, lightly pinching Blaine on the arm while his two best friends traded knowing smirks. He could feel his face turning bright red.

"This is not the time or place to discuss such private matters, _Blaine_!" Kurt tried to sound stern, but the effect was ruined by his embarrassed giggling breaking through his façade. "Besides, I'm sure they would just _love_ to hear about the note you seemed to reach about two nights ago. What was that again? A high F?"

As Kurt was bantering with his grinning boyfriend, he could see Brittany out of the corner of his eye. She appeared to be leaning in towards a still clueless Rachel and quietly….sniffing her? Brittany was _sniffing_ Rachel? WHAT? Perhaps Brittany wanted to know what shampoo Rachel used. The blonde cheerleader screwed up her face in confusion and disappointment for some reason, leaning back away from Rachel. She looked like she didn't know what to think.

"While you two are being very adorable and, strangely enough, are reminding me of my dad's...your arguing is _not_ helping us figure out who should get the solo in a beautiful song from one of the most poignant musicals to grace Broadway in the last 20 years…." Rachel began to scold the couple, when she was cut off as Brittany practically stuck her nose into her hair and took a HUGE and very noisy whiff. Startled, the songbird squealed and spun around, her eyes impossibly wide as she came face to face with Brittany.

"What _are_ you doing?" Rachel asked dramatically. Her tone of voice made her worthy of a Tony award right there.

"Rachel…" Brittany looked truly perplexed and flabbergasted, her blonde ponytail swinging as she shook her head in confusion. "You don't smell like berries!"

Rachel's mouth fell open. For once, she was speechless.

"Do you _taste_ like berries instead?" Brittany continued despite Rachel's lack of verbal response. Suddenly, her blue eyes were lit up with excitement. "Do you?"

Kurt clamped a hand over his mouth to keep a delighted chuckle from escaping…it just sounded so _dirty_! Rachel looked at Brittany warily, not knowing what to say. By now, everyone's attention was on the weird little moment Rachel was having with the clueless cheerleader in the back of the choir room. Puck wolf-whistled.

"There will be no _tasting_ going on today!" Grumbled a raspy voice. Santana had gotten up from her chair and, to Rachel's relief, was dragging her girlfriend back the way she came, back down to their original seats. Was that jealously in her tone?

"What about tomorrow?" Brittany pleaded, still over-excited about the thought of tasting Rachel Berry. "Can I just lick her arm?"

"NO!" Santana snapped.

THE END

_A/N: LMFAO! Sorry about the random weirdness! I just love to write crack fics sometimes! XD_


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